Party Time

I wish my holiday parties for work were more like this one.

Learning That College Was Different

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I Should Know Better, Part 2

For part 1, go here.

Now that you are all caught up, here is part 2. 

I Think I'm Going TO Have to Atone Again

Saw this over on a site I read. So glad I followed the line for once.

This one was brought to my attention by Niggas Rule. Reminds of college.

Enjoy.

A video interlude

Liked the girl in this vid....Its been too long since I shared a Bull with another girl.

I Should Know Better

So it was a little interesting this week. I think I might've mentioned that no one at work knows about my little tastes. Well, one does. Let's hope she keeps her mouth shut and shows she is a friend.

But let's back up.

So this week we had a client's in town. Pretty good client, too. However, the client's representative is a bit of a handful. He's been with the company for a few years, but has convinced himself that he is destined for greater things (guy think's he's going to get elected president of the United States someday. Can we say narcissist everyone?).

Usually, holding this particular client representative's hand is not my job. Mostly because this guy, we'll call him CR-N (Client Representative-Narcissistic), likes to be taken out on the town to places where guys go. But the usually volunteers for this job were all unavailable.

Tales from My Past... Or I Was An Evil Bitch

This came up in an online conversation my husband was having. Basically, it boiled down to whether I was a FemDom.

I'm really not. At work, I'm in charge. I have authority, I use it and I'm not afraid to. That's my job. In my personal life, I so much more like it when I am not the one calling the shots. (One of the reason I love Black Men).

However, while I like others to be in control, I have never been a doormat for any loser who thinks that he is more than he is. So while I'm not a FemDom (or is it femdom? FemmeDomme? Female Dominant? Ack! Whats the correct term?) I can switch into one really fast when a weak guy tries to be the big dog. Then, its watch out.

Feeling Very Weird Right Now...

So I was in court today. I had a client who needed me there. And I had never been to this particular county before, so I went to the wrong courtroom (thanks assistant, really earned your pay today - btw).

But I can't be too mad at her. My assistant that is.

So anyways, instead of being in the courtroom where the misdemeanors were going to be heard, I ended up in the department where they were hearing felony pleadings. Instead of wandering the courthouse looking for my client, I was furiously typing away on my blackberry trying to stay on top of what my juniors were screwing up while I was trying to get anyone at the office to figure out where my client was and where he was supposed to be.

I look up and see the judge is taking the plea of someone in an orange jumpsuit. The man standing there was a little older than me, shaved head, a few tats visible on his forearms. Dark as night, but still looking impressive for a man who was into his fifth decade was my first Black Man.

I have not seen him in almost (g-d I can't believe I'm saying this) 25 years. He still had that hard, hungry look I always remember about him. Instead of being cleanshaven, he was sporting a goatee that made him look evil as hell. Which to me just made him look sexier. Back in high school, he'd been one of the varsity atheletes, and he always had that lean but muscled look, sort of like a panther.

I'm not sure he saw me. I don't even know why I paused to look up in the first place. Maybe I'd heard his voice being announced or something. I got a good look at him when he was walked out by the sheriff's deputy so I know it was him. I don't think he saw me.

Now I can't stop thinking about what he used to do with me. And how I'd beg him to make me do more.

If All Goes According To Plan

This will be me in a few hours.

Somedays

There are some days when the job  has been like this and none of my other ... stress relievers ... are around that I just want to spend the day like....

So What Do I Tell My Friend

Ok... so other than those who come on here, not that many people know about this side of my life. I mean, there are plenty who knew me growing up when I was definitely not the girl you would bring home to meet mom and dad. However, most of them, I haven't heard from in years as life and such caused us to drift apart. My best friend since high school knows just about everything, including a few things I will never, ever tell dear hubby.

As of yet, he has not been able to get those tales out of my friend.

I have the friends I've made since meeting DH. One or two suspect I've got a checkered past because sometimes an answer comes out to a question that just shouldn't (like the time I explained how lucrative it can be for a dancer at a stripclub but how many people she has to tip out. Not everyone there accepted my explanation that it was because I had a client who I represented over some issue.)

Then I've got a couple of women I mentor at work as part the firm's mentoring program. One of them I actually like. She's late 20s. Married. But very unhappy at home with her husband. He hasn't touched her more than once a week in months. And then, its like its obligatory. In out and off to do something else.

I've met him. I cannot for life of me figure out what she sees in this guy. He's one of those guys who was in  frat and never thought to grow out of it.

So we went for drinks last week (originally it was supposed to be sushi but then her supervisor needed her to complete a project). And yes, it was at that bar. Now, my mentee (let's call her Mina) is a cute little vietnamese girl. Very pretty. Very, very smart (like scary smart, when she figures out the ropes, she's gonna make it hard for them to keep her if they don't promote her at work). But not very good when it comes to social settings. She gets very nervous. I sometimes think she ended up with her husband because she was too afraid to let him get away, even though she really shouldnt've been that desperate.

We were there. We were drinking. And chatting. And chatting with some of the other customers there. One of them clearly took a shine to her. Big time player type in a nice suit. But fun. And g-d I think that Mina needs some fun, especially since her husband treats her like shit.

While I was flirting my bartender friend (who I'm going to call Bartender Buddy to keep it straight) there, this guy made his move on my friend. She was so mortified, but she was polite and turned him down (since he had been polite about it). Mina needed a quick break, so we did the bathroom thing to give him time to get away. In the bathroom, she confessed that she wanted to say yes to the guy, but couldn't. And then she broke down and admitted that she did know that her husband was sleeping with someone else. She wanted to feel like she had the choice now, that she was not just the dutiful wife but a woman who could make her own choices.

She said how she envied my life, how my husband wouldn't get mad for me flirting because he trusted me but that if her husband found out about her being propositioned tonight, he'd be furious.

I asked her why she didn't leave him. She said that she couldn't yet, that she wasn't ready. To which I said it was more time that she was putting off the pain. That she was a strong, intelligent woman, and needed to find that confidence in her own life. As she was wiping her eyes, she laughed and said maybe she'd do it in babysteps and have an affair.  I laughed at that one, and said I could think of a number of guys who would be lucky to help her with that. Then she said "Maybe even that friend of yours behind the bar."

I laughed that off. Not because I'm proprietary about him. But because I'm not sure I want my secrets, or those kind of secrets being known by her. On the other hand, she has become a friend (even before this incident).

So we got a table and talked. Talked guys. Talked her experience with guys. She admitted she'd only been with two. One in college and her husband whom she met in grad school. Both of them had been nice white boys. Well, the first one sounded like a nice white boy. You know my feelings on other one. Anyways, she confessed that what she really wanted was someone who would take control of her in the bedroom and just use her like slut and not like the porcelain doll she's been her whole life. I asked her, of the guys she sees at the bar, which one would she want. She said "Bartender Buddy".

One Of Those Days

It really is one of those days. All I can think about sex.

No that's not exactly it.

All I can think about is fucking.

Dear Hubby's tried to help me with this one. And it helped for a little. Sort of took the edge off.

Then I got to work.

Serendipity... or One Door Closes and Another Opens

So last weekend I was supposed to have a play date with one of my favorite Men. How I met him, I'll tell you another time. All you need to know is that he couldn't show this past weekend.

I was bummed. Especially since everything was so well set up.

Then to top things off, I got an email on Friday afternoon telling me I was going to have to go out of town next week, but they weren't sure which day. Sometimes I really hate being at the whim of the client so much. It really, really sucks.

So I put my travel bag together, not even knowing exactly where I was going. Isn't it great when the higher ups want you to be at their beck and call but can't be bothered to give you the whole story about things?

Old white men! G-d.

So I was not in a good mood on Monday when I got into work. He handed me a file and told me that I needed to be in Jacksonville, FL, for the client. So I called the dear hubby and told him he'd be on his own the next few days with the kids.

Now I've been to Jacksonville a few times. Its ok, but its Florida. I do not do well in Florida. Its too flat. I know, weird, but thats part of my problem. So its been hot and sticky here. I don't enjoy that. Neither does my hair.

So I get in on Monday night late and basically just crash in my room with the A/C blasting. The next day I go and deal with stuff for the client. Its long, its boring.

I needed a drink.

So I went to this bar and grill not far from the restaurant. They had a game on, so I just had drinks and starters at the bar. Yes, I'm really that bad of an eater when I'm away from home. Its like I give myself a pass for everything I deny myself eating.

And a couple of guys stuck around at the bar. Two of them were these gorgeous Black Men. And I started to talk with them when they couldn't get the answer to the sports trivia question right. They were late 20's guys who worked in town. They weren't just hot looking, they were smart too. G-d... that can be such a turn on with younger guys. They weren't just "we're in a bar, lets see your tits" types. (Don't get me wrong, sometimes I like those guys).

So we shared some drinks. Some food.

And then they were getting this look on their face like they were trying to figure out which one was going to give in and here about it at work the next day from his friend. They'd already seen my wedding ring and it didn't even cause them to bat an eye. I'd already texted dear hubby during a run to the ladies, and he sent back a "go for it". So as the game ended, I had them lean in and told them....

Why Black?

Because it feels right. Thats the simplest way to put it.

So you ask again, "Why?"

Well... I think it has to do with the way that men are being raised. Now, I'm all for women being independent and respected. But something has become lost in white men. They're not men anymore. By and large, they've become these overgrown teenagers with jobs.

Men make a woman quiver in good ways. Teens... well after you've been with one... they lose their appeal. Some teens can become Men. Some don't. Its sad and distressing, but thats the way it is.

Whats the difference? A Teen Boy will beg you to do something. A Man will jsut come out and either ask for it or demand it. The Teen Boy is showing that despite all his bravado, he's really wanting you to decide whats going to happen. If you are asked by a Man, then its a question between equals. If he demands it, then its different, and for me even better.

I LOVE it when a Man demands things. The first time I ran into a Black Man who showed me the difference is what got me hooked on Black Men. It was that feeling of knowing that he was in charge. I was the girl. And my place was to please him. It was confidence. It was swagger. It was asuredness I'd never seen from someone in real life before I was with him. If he was still around, I'm positive that he would be the same essence and it would still make me shiver if he was around me.

Now I'm not saying that the only male Men left are Black. My husband definitely falls into the Man category. But so few others do.

The Forfeit

So if you've been reading along, you probably know that I was a bad girl a few weeks back. And because I was a bad girl, I had to make good on the forfeit.

Now I have to admit, I do like some of the fantasy aspects of cuckholding. Part of me almost wishes I had a cuckhold. But I would never change, at least right now, what I have with my husband. Although, as I look at this, I wonder if maybe I could get a cuckhold who wasn't my husband.

The things I think of when I'm writing.

Anyways. Back to my tale.

So I got home that Wednesday morning and had a talk with my husband. And he could have been mad, because all I had to do was call. But I hadn't. So there was the forfeit to be decided.

Which is amazingly hard to do when you have kids always around in the house. You don't want them to develop your habits, you want them to develop their own. At least that what my husband and I have also thought. Within reason.

Anyways, can you tell that I'm taking the long way? I'm a little embarrassed. Which for me is odd.

In the end, and with only a little protest from me since fair is fair, this is what we came up with. A high priced escort. Not a street hooker. An honest to g-d high end call girl. Now, the only way I was able to pull this off to my satisfaction was because of my connections. I don't have a lot. But I do have a few friends who have had to procure suitable company for a travelling VIP client on occasion.

The alternative was to go on google and look up escorts. Which I did at first. But then I thought, how do I know its not going to be someone who is going to rip off my husband and me. I'm sure most of the women who advertise are not crazy axe murdering men in reality, but still....

So I had a friend. Who had  VIP client. Who had to be kept from getting himself into too much trouble. So I just asked her how she handled it. And she told me. And I told a little white lie (because really, what woman wants to say they're getting a hooker for their husband because they forgot to call home when they were fucking an absolutely gorgeous, younger, Black guy? Waaaay too much to explain to some people.)

Number in hand, I called over and was asked who I wanted. At which point I wasn't sure. I mean, it was for my husband. Shouldn't he get to pick. The woman on the other end of the phone was very nice and gave me a website to go to so that I could pick. A quick email to my husband. An hour later he sent back his choice.

Not the one I would have chosen. Not that I think she didn't look good on the screen. But who knew my husband had a thing for Indian (dot not feather) women? We informed the nice woman at the service of the special needs for my hsuband. Another phone call later, she told us that it wouldn't be a problem.

A few withdrawals from the ATM over the week (stupid limits) and we we're ready to go.

So last Thursday night, with the kids getting ready for their last finals, Dad went out for the evening. A nice room at a hotel at the airport.

He said that for $2,000, it was one of the best night he'd had a with a woman who wasn't his wife.

I guess I'll just have to replenish my Fendi account. Sigh.

And to answer the question as to whether I got his number, I didn't. But I do know where he works. And since this is Friday, we might need to do a happy hour.

So Back To This... Or What I've Been Doing

So lets start off with a few things. I have been married for a long time. I love him dearly. He's the father of my children. But in the last few years, he and I have had an agreement.

But let me back things up a little bit earlier to give you a little context. Before I got married, all those many moons ago, I was a very naughty girl. How I graduated college and managed to get into grad school is still beyond me. I certainly was busy doing things, guys, girls... substances...  instead of studying and assignments. One day I might be persuaded to tell what I can remember of the weekend I took my test for grad school.

Grad school was only slightly different. I tried to be good for the first semester. But that promise fell apart at the party after finals for first semester.

It wasn't until I met my husband, who is older, at work that stuff started to change. He knew I was wild, but didn't know how wild. I was that girl who was professional at work, but as soon as it was quitting time, she was at the bars and clubs ready for a good time. There were more than a few times I picked up my dry cleaning on the way to work so that I wouldn't look like I was just coming in from a one night stand. Even if that was the case.

But then I met him. And a few months later we started to go out. I still got to be the wild girl, but he has this very calming thing that made me not want to be out till dawn every night. Hell... the only thing I really hid from him before marriage was smoking (since I got to the point where I'd only do it when others had cigarettes.) More on that later.

So we have two teenage kids. And then the incident happened. I'm not going to talk about that. You don't need to know. Let's just say it changed some of what he could do. What we could do. But it allowed me to find out some fantasies he'd been hiding.

One of them was to see me with other men and women. Alright, I'd known he wanted to see me with another woman for a while. Actually, he had. That's another story for another time.  So anyways, because it had been so long with dealing with the problem, and he could see how it was affecting me, we came up with our little solution.

I get to go out and have other lovers, as long as he gets to know about it. He gets to have something in return. If I violate the agreement, depending on how bad it is, I have to pay a forfeit. I love that term. I hadn't heard it used like that till he came up with it.

Well... right now we are trying to decide the forfeit.

Why? Well... Tuesday night I went out after work with some of the people. Since I'm more senior, and have the card, I picked up the tab. With the kids off doing there stuff, the hubby safe at home, I figured it was ok to stay out late, so I was the last one to leave. Why not? The firm was picking up the tab right?

We were at a bar that I didn't know that well. It's near work, but usually after work drinks happen at one of a couple of other places. This time the group chose. So the youngins from work had moved on to home or other places. I did my best to ignore the ones who were clearly pairing off for some recreational activities that the higher ups (which somehow includes me) would disapprove of if they knew. Anyways, I was working on my third drink of the night (rum and diet).

Now, all night, the bartender had been flirting with me. I, as I am want to do, flirted back. (Even before the problem started, I was a huge flirt. Hubby liked it. And I liked it!) Mid-20's, confident, well built Black man.

One of my weaknesses.

And he came over to close out the tab because he was getting ready to leave. And to flirt. Which lead to shots. And then a bet. Did I mention he was built? That he was confident? Yeah. Then there was the bet over the year of the song's release that was being played.  If I won, no tip for him. If he won, it was a body shot.

I lost.

But he said that he couldn't do the body shot at work. But that if I went with him to another bar down the block....

I knew it was a line. But G-d I needed an excuse. I jsut wanted him. So I said "sure". I wasn't that drunk, but I certainly wasn't sober, but I used it as an excuse to lean against him as we walked down the street.  What I felt through his clothes made me not care that I was breaking our rule.

We did the shot. I aksed him if he wanted to go somewhere. He got me to his car and we fucked there.

I haven't fucked in a car in years. And I sorta, maybe forgot to have him put anything on. But G-d the best thing is feeling it in me. Feeling it slosh about after he's cum. Leaking out on my panties and down my thigh when I walked away.

I may have to go back to that bar again. Just to make sure he has my number.

But when I got home, near midnight, was a little rough. I sobered up by then. It was the "talk". Fortunately, my husband knows I love him. And that I didn't lie to him. But he smile and said "you know this means you have to forfeit something to me."

Now we're negotiating the forfeit.

What I'm hoping for this weekend...

What I'm watching....

and wishing I had done when I was her age. Sigh.

Whats Not To Like?

First Post

So my husband has his own lil blog that he throws up every now and then when the mood strikes him. So I thought I would try my hand at it.

A little about me and what I think this will be. I am in my 40s (and thats as honest with my age as I'll get). Married to a wonderful man long enough that we have two teenage kids. We've been blessed in many ways. Despite some setbacks, he loves and trusts me enough to let me go have my fun at times.

And I've done some things now that I never thought I would do again. Wow.

Now sometimes I will put up what I've been doing. Other times, it might just be things that catch my attention and I want to share.