Feeling Very Weird Right Now...

So I was in court today. I had a client who needed me there. And I had never been to this particular county before, so I went to the wrong courtroom (thanks assistant, really earned your pay today - btw).

But I can't be too mad at her. My assistant that is.

So anyways, instead of being in the courtroom where the misdemeanors were going to be heard, I ended up in the department where they were hearing felony pleadings. Instead of wandering the courthouse looking for my client, I was furiously typing away on my blackberry trying to stay on top of what my juniors were screwing up while I was trying to get anyone at the office to figure out where my client was and where he was supposed to be.

I look up and see the judge is taking the plea of someone in an orange jumpsuit. The man standing there was a little older than me, shaved head, a few tats visible on his forearms. Dark as night, but still looking impressive for a man who was into his fifth decade was my first Black Man.

I have not seen him in almost (g-d I can't believe I'm saying this) 25 years. He still had that hard, hungry look I always remember about him. Instead of being cleanshaven, he was sporting a goatee that made him look evil as hell. Which to me just made him look sexier. Back in high school, he'd been one of the varsity atheletes, and he always had that lean but muscled look, sort of like a panther.

I'm not sure he saw me. I don't even know why I paused to look up in the first place. Maybe I'd heard his voice being announced or something. I got a good look at him when he was walked out by the sheriff's deputy so I know it was him. I don't think he saw me.

Now I can't stop thinking about what he used to do with me. And how I'd beg him to make me do more.



I'm pretty sure he never loved me, but that was never what we were about. I was his whenever he wanted. However he wanted. I thought I was over that. Especially after the last time we were together.

Here I am. A grown woman. A professional. A success in many regards. With a happy husband and children. And all I can think about right now is crawling back and begging him to make his just one more time, even in jail.

Isn't it strange